Several months ago, I discovered the blogging community. I’ve never really blogged before. I had a Tumblr in high school, but it didn’t feel like a real blog or a very positive atmosphere at the time. It was more of a place to complain and feel sorry for myself and others. I ended up deleting the account when John and I started dating because I felt like I was too happy to be there…which is horrifying.

Fast forward a couple years and several attempts at a permanent form of self-reflection (diary, a blog of letters to John, a diary of letters to John, actual letters to John) and still, nothing had stuck. It occurred to me several weeks ago that blogging could bring me a couple of things I’ve been missing in my life.

First, it would give me an outlet to write (permanent self-reflection) and for other people to read. I love thinking introspectively and reminiscing, but I like to have someone listening to me (and to think I had myself convinced for a while that I was an introvert…).

Second, I wanted to rekindle my creative side. I learned a lot of photography and design basics in high school that have worn off since then and that I’d like to gain back. In December, I purchased my first DSLR camera and haven’t taken nearly the number of pictures I would have liked with it since then, so blogging is my new motivation. I’d kind of sort of like to learn HTML/CSS as well, but I’m saving that endeavor for a week and a half from now when I’m in vacation mode. We’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, I’m not quite comfortable in this zone yet. I don’t quite understand how to easily find other blogs I like or to fully join the blogging community.

It’s normal though, I think, to feel like I’m fumbling around.

But I feel like I haven’t found my voice, and that’s the first thing that needs to happen. Something about typing with a keyboard in a Word document (where I draft posts) feels so official and I can’t help but put some thought into modifying my vocabulary and trying for complete sentences. But that’s not quite really exactly me. Then again, if I typed in the “voice” I used while texting, there would be no punctuation or capital letters unless I was mad at you and then I would put periods at the end of each. of. my. sentences.

So apologies in advance if my posts don’t seem to have any general direction or I try to give my perspective/advice and sound ignorant and bossy. I promise I’ll figure it out—it’ll just take a bit of time.