Hypothetically, based on my life’s current truths and the predictions I could draw from them, I could have a steady job, be married, own a house and have a baby within the next five years.

Holy poop.

Five years ago (photographic evidence of me five years ago shown above) I was about to start my sophomore year in high school—a little cooler and a little braver than before. It feels a lot further away than the start of junior or senior year, but still not that far away on my timeline at all.

For the record, there’s almost no chance I will have all of the aforementioned things in my life five years from now. There have been times in the past few years that I’ve desired all of those things within that time frame, but the older I get the more I find myself wanting to take my time and space things out a bit.

In fact, I’ve been having a little bit of a life crisis over it lately. I very suddenly don’t feel old enough to do any of the grown up things that are coming my way in two short years. Which is making me feel and sound like a normal college student instead of the 30-year-old at heart I have been for literally ¾ of my life.

I’m just trying to treat this as a lesson for living in the moment, and my guess is that it’s probably good for me. I’ve been getting a lot better at letting my plans go—a few months ago, I completely changed around my course of study for the rest of college. I’m considering studying abroad next fall, or maybe I won’t. I’d like to go somewhere warm for co-op in the Spring, but maybe I’ll stay in Boston. Who knows! Letting go is bringing the life back into my life!