Hypothetically, based on my life’s current truths and the predictions I could draw from them, I could have a steady job, be married, own a house and have a baby within the next five years.
Five years ago (photographic evidence of me five years ago shown above) I was about to start my sophomore year in high school—a little cooler and a little braver than before. It feels a lot further away than the start of junior or senior year, but still not that far away on my timeline at all.
For the record, there’s almost no chance I will have all of the aforementioned things in my life five years from now. There have been times in the past few years that I’ve desired all of those things within that time frame, but the older I get the more I find myself wanting to take my time and space things out a bit.
In fact, I’ve been having a little bit of a life crisis over it lately. I very suddenly don’t feel old enough to do any of the grown up things that are coming my way in two short years. Which is making me feel and sound like a normal college student instead of the 30-year-old at heart I have been for literally ¾ of my life.
I’m just trying to treat this as a lesson for living in the moment, and my guess is that it’s probably good for me. I’ve been getting a lot better at letting my plans go—a few months ago, I completely changed around my course of study for the rest of college. I’m considering studying abroad next fall, or maybe I won’t. I’d like to go somewhere warm for co-op in the Spring, but maybe I’ll stay in Boston. Who knows! Letting go is bringing the life back into my life!
I have this internal obligation to use everything that I own, and if I find something I’m not using that I should be, I find myself chucking the guilt into the trash can or figuring out a way to use it. As with any trait, there are upsides and downsides. The upside is that I am not wasteful. I WILL NOT let any of those cookies go into the trash. The downside: I waste a lot of time doing things I don’t want to do just for the sake of avoiding tangible wastefulness.
You might remember The Undomestic Goddess from my beach reads post a couple of weeks ago. The author, Sophie Kinsella, wrote the Shopaholic series (most famous book in the series is Confessions of a Shopaholic, if ya didn’t catch that). Based on my go-to beach read qualities, these books should be some of my favorites, but I had forgotten that I don’t actually like them.
Remember Amelia Bedelia from grade school? The maid in all of those children’s books who made mistake after blubbering mistake? I hated those books, and all of Sophie Kinsella’s heroines remind me of Amelia Bedelia. Instead of being intrigued by the catastrophe unfolding in the plot, I’m just annoyed. Watching other people make bad decisions is just painful.
But instead of putting the catastrophe down when it becomes painful, I keep going. I had myself convinced that I wanted to finish the story when in reality I wanted to finish the book. If I wanted to finish the story, I could have found a summary online. Thankfully, for the second time ever in my memory, I made an agreement with myself to drop a pleasure read without finishing it—after the point where pleasure reads or pleasure foods or pleasure classes stop being pleasurable (ugh, I swear there’s no innuendo here), I have to remind myself to drop them.
This is approximately the mid-way point between something and something else in my summer. I don’t know what day it is, I couldn’t tell you what I did yesterday, and everything has been blurring together.
My parents are moving for the first time in 16 years and the only time in my memory. I wasn’t as strategic as I was hoping to be in scheduling my time at home this summer because I’ve been here a little too consistently for my liking and I’ve been dragged in to help with the move and have touched approximately none of my summer to-do list.
I feel like I’m repeating myself on the blog and having an identity crisis all at once, and like I haven’t really talked to John in approximately a year, and I feel like I have a load of stuff coming at me for the school year that I just don’t want to touch. Like my email box. I should get on that.
Anyway, my point is, this blog here is about to become very me-focused I think because that’s the only thing I can think to or know to write about when I’m so frazzled. I go back to school in 16 days so bear with me. At that point my life will more consistently be revolving around school and I’ll figure out a better mission statement for this blog thing. That being said, I’ll keep checking in every day, so don’t lose hope on me completely!
I thought that this week I would finally actually have the energy to write a full Friday blog post.
But then I got sick with some sinus infection something or another and decided to give myself another Thursday night off to better prepare myself for some good posts next week. Hope you all have a great weekend!
653. That’s the number of days until May 14, 2017. Not only is that Sunday my birthday, but it’s the day after John has a college diploma in his hand (a week after I have one in mine) and we will officially no longer be a long distance couple.
It hasn’t always been that clear cut. I go to a school where getting your undergraduate degree is expected to take five years due to time taken off to work for entire semesters at a time. For a while, I thought I wanted to go into teaching and getting my license would push me back to a December 2017 graduation. Hypothetically I could also graduate at the end of this year if I didn’t want to work anymore and was interested in graduating straight political science, but I don’t need to shorten my stay by too, too much.
There was a period of time during which I pondered the idea that after graduation John and I might spend some time in different cities. I thought the Silicon Valley might call to him and I would end up wherever I got a job and then eventually we would figure out a way to end up in the same city so we could get on with our lives. Over the past couple of years, though, I’ve learned that’s not really how long distance relationships work.
I’ve read about a lot of long distance relationships online, and while every couple is different, their stories all end the same way. Basically, if you’re in it for the long haul, you need to figure out how to be together at some point. We’re fortunate that we have such a natural point at which to make that happen. (I think. Ha!) I don’t have a crystal ball and I don’t even have a desire to so intricately plan my future that I know what city we’ll be in or what company I’ll work for, but part of loving John is trusting that both of us would do whatever it takes to be together at that point.
I know every couple does things differently, but I think that for us having an end in sight provides comfort if nothing else. I’m interested to hear the perspectives of other people in long distance relationships, so chime in if you’re so inclined! (P.S. That picture up there is from the day John and I became long distance. Our smiles didn’t stay that way for long.) Until next time!
I’ve been sitting at home for the past two days feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing. Actually, I finished the stale jar of Nutella in our pantry. That counts as something.
Anyway, I can’t function without some structure in my life. Some appointments or somethin’. As much as I hate being stressed and overwhelmed, I think I would choose a little too much structured activity over a little too little structured activity any day.
I think that figuring out how intrinsic motivation works is an important part of college. Even when I am not able to garner motivation from structure, I should have a method of getting myself up and doing things so I feel better at the end of the day. I’ve been starting my days with hour long runs, but then I hit a wall after I shower and nothing seems appealing enough to work on for the rest of the day.
And by that, I mean that tomorrow after my run, I’m going to do some laundry and figure out what to do with the boxes in my room and clean out our fridge/freezer/pantry AND THEN I AM GOING TO BUY MYSELF A FRAPPUCCINO OR SOMETHING EQUALLY INDULGENT. Yeah, you got it. Food is the key to intrinsic motivation, I’m pretty sure. Also running watches, workout clothes, pretty dresses, and nail polish. Extrinsic motivation becomes intrinsic motivation when you’re doing it for yourself.
Treat yo self, people! Do whatever it takes to get up and get moving.
Have you ever used Reddit before? I remember a few summers ago when I was at a camp, I decided to myself that one of the boys in my group was cool solely because he was wearing a Reddit shirt. I think I thought this meant he was hip in my kind of way, but I don’t actually remember where I first heard about the site. Basically Reddit is a giant online forum with “subreddit” pages about almost any topic you could imagine.
The first time I visited the site, long before John and I were dating, I was turned off. The user interface is intuitive to computer people, I think, but to the layperson it’s just a poorly designed site that’s difficult to navigate. I went back to Facebook stalking immediately. Flash forward three plus years to John sending me links to this funny thing and that funny thing he found on Reddit and I decided to give it another try.
Let’s get this straight: John and I use Reddit for very different purposes. John has an account with a feed that updates regularly and mostly includes computer science jokes and cute cat videos (from what I gather), but I use Reddit when I want to quickly learn about a topic. For example, I’m working on training for a half marathon in January and I checked out /r/running and found insanely useful information, starter guides, and answers to questions I had with just a few clicks and searches. Check out the right side bar and you can usually find a wiki on the given topic.
That website is way cooler and more useful than it looks. I know you don’t trust me right now, but this is exactly like the first time I walked over to MIT and saw a hot guy running around campus with his shirt off. (Okay not exactly like that time.) Expect the unexpected. Try somethin’ new!
Disclaimer- re: my title. Nerd is a little bit mean. Sorry, John, if you’re reading this. You are a hip nerd. I like your haircut and your glasses. I was going to say CS major but I was avoiding using lingo.